Top 10 Goal Setting Pitfalls to Avoid

…and how to effectively accomplish anything you want

Do you want more peace of mind, more happiness, more joy in life?

Here are two new articles to help!

• How To Reach Any Goal in 3 Steps -http://www.squidoo.com/GoalSettingSuccess
  

• Top 10 Goal Setting Pitfalls to Avoid - http://hubpages.com/hub/Goal-Setting-Success-Strategies

Enjoy!

Warmly,

Gail

Win/Win in the Inner Community

Win/Win in the Inner Community - Who what?

Ok - have you ever had one of those moments where 2 parts of you want 2 different things?

"Oh I really want to stay home today; but man am I exhausted."
"I care about her and I see she wants to go out. But I want my freedom!"
"I really want to contribute to my child playing, but I have to get to work!"
"I know I feel guilty about making so much money while others can't afford health insurance, but that's just the way the world works!"

We as human beings have the incredible capacity for adaptation. Unfortunately, one way we adapt is by powering one side of ourselves over another side of ourselves - in fact, abandoning part of us in favor of another part.

We don't actually think about our choices as, "Ok I'm going to choose to abandon part of me in favor of another part," but bottom line, that's what we do out of not having other options. Here are some examples:

"I know I'm exhausted, but forget that part - I have to go to work - I have to make money and cover my a** with my boss." (choosing my desire for stability over my desire for self-care and rest)
"Sure a part of me cares for her...but in this case I'm going to put my freedom first." (choosing my desire for autonomy over my desire to express care)
"I can't do this; no play with Billy right now - work wins." (choosing income stability and contributing economically to my child, over my contributing to my child now in play or in acknowledgment)
"Ok Bob, keep your nose down, and I'll just do the best I can. I can't take care of the whole frigging world." (choosing self-care over the part of me that cares about the wider circle)

Although tragic (in that we abandon part of ourselves for another part), this is a common, natural response when we have (what I like to call) a "crisis of imagination". If we had another option, we'd use it. But we're all doing the best we can. In each of these cases, when we abandon one part of ourselves in favor of another part, what we're really saying is "I don't have clarity on how to move forward in a way that takes both sides into account."

So we just pick a side. "Life is about sacrifice," we tell ourselves, pushing the other side under the carpet. "Sometimes you just have to compromise," we rationalize.

Until recently, this triage of choosing one side over another has served us. It has been a fundamental, critical survival and coping mechanism. It's given us answers. It tells us what to do. Boom, done.

More recently, however, what we're noticing is that this self-abandonment seeds dozens of other troubling, and highly costly consequences:
- depression
- apathy
- chronic irritation
- stress disorders
- rebellion (mid-life crisis is often about the supressed side resurfacing and taking power over the supressor-side)
- chronic (and costly) health issues

What's worse, what we do to ourselves (in self-abandonment and habitually using 'power over' as a means to cope) we also do to the world around us:
- parenting, "What I say is all that matters, do it or else. Forget what you need. Behave."
- management, "If you don't do what I say when I say it, I'll find someone who will. Comply."
- education, "We want control and order, so sit down, shut up, and regurgitate what you're told on test papers. Be Good."
- government, "Your situation, voice, and needs don't matter; the red-tape, rules, and regulations are the final word. Conform."

Everywhere we go, there we are. In the same way we wind up accomplishing one set of needs (ex: order, movement, or confidence/safety from trying to assert power/control), we ultimately also create environments of resentment, rebellion, apathy, distrust by not integrating all of the needs on the table.

So fine. Powering one set of values over another creates problems. What do we do about it? I mean, if I *had* a solution that were more effective, more fun, and less costly, then I could use it, right?

Here is one solution: I'm going to call it the Both/And solution. Here's what that might look like in math:
A + B = C?
or
B + A = C?

In other words - If I take both A (the needs I'm inclined to shove under the carpet) and B (the needs I'm choosing to meet by doing that), instead of carpet-sweeping one of them I'm going to put them both together and ask myself a question - C.

It goes something like this:

How can I do A in a way that also takes care of B? or
How can I do B in a way that also takes care of A?

This A + B is what we call "power with"; both/and. This is very different than doing our habitual A OR B, either/or, which we call "power over".

Here's what "power with" might sound like in the examples above:

- "Wow I'm exhausted; I also have work. How can I give myself peace with my boss IN A WAY THAT ALSO takes care of my need for rest?" OR "Woof, I'm tired. How can I give myself rest IN A WAY THAT ALSO will protect my income at work?"

Notice that as we ask the question - the solution may not appear immediately. However, we cannot get what we do not ask for. By simply asking the question, and being willing to hold onto the question, we open up possibilities.

- "Hrm. She wants to go out... How can I express my care for her IN A WAY THAT ALSO gives me the freedom of choice that I want?" OR "Hrm. She wants to go out. Ok - How can I get a sense of my freedom IN A WAY THAT ALSO contributes a little bit to her desire for companionship?"

Often, the answer will show up in the form of "partnership". Ex: "Hey, I have a dilemma. I care about you, but I also want some freedom tonight. What could WE do that would take care of both of us?" In this example, not only does it hold both sides of you (your care and your freedom), but it also fulfills your intent for expressing care for the other person. You're saying, "I know I don't have a solution yet, but I'm not going to abandon any of this. Let's work together to find a solution."

- "Eek...I've 10 minutes to get to work and Billy's playing. Ok - How can I support Billy playing IN A WAY THAT ALSO gives me what I need in integrity about getting to work on time?" OR "Uh oh, 10min until work - How can I fulfill my intention around work IN A WAY THAT ALSO contributes to Billy's play?"

Sometimes unexpected answers will appear - "Hey Billy! I have a game!! Last one to the car is a rotten egg!!!" Now you're cultivating BOTH play AND your hopes for integrity around your work schedule. Or "Huh! If I'm 3 minutes late I can deal with that. I don't need to yell at Billy and yank him away from play after all." Or, "Hrm. I care so deeply about my son's wellbeing that I'm going to collaborate with him, show him that he matters, and enroll his support. Hey Billy, could you help me? I'm scared about being late to work, I'm afraid the boss will yell at me. Could you and I play in the car on the way?"

Sometimes the answer comes not in the form of an immediate solution, but a conversation we can have today that will generate a solution tomorrow or a month from now or a year from now.

- "How can I provide for my prosperity IN A WAY THAT ALSO accounts for the prosperity of others in my organization?" OR "How can our company provide Health Care IN A WAY THAT ALSO contributes to the company's bottom line?"

You may not have an answer today. But I absolutely guarantee that if you make this intention a company policy, as a leader you will gain respect even if it takes time for the solution to appear. I also guarantee that what you focus on, you attract, and if you concentrate on the question long enough, and ask for others' recommendations, a solution *will* surface.

What if it were possible to suffer less and thrive more?
What if it were possible to get the system doing what we want in ways that were more fun and less costly?

What if A+B=C? is the formula that provided 10, 20, or 50% greater success, more of the time?

What if cultivating A+B with ourselves could impact the planet at large, without one ounce of cost?

In the integral community, some people bash A + B as "green swamp". They are afraid that if we start collaborating with others to find workable solutions that include everyone all the time, we'll spend all of our time negotiating and "holding the question" and never get anything done. It's true, I have seen people take A + B to the dysfunctional extreme. Have you ever been in a meeting where everyone wants to be heard and we leave the meeting without ever getting anything done?

Again, Both/And comes to the rescue. When we combine our skills from "power over" (let's make the best decision we can, and DO something), but in a way that includes an A + B perspective (I will not meet one set of needs at the expense of another), what we have is a capacity to decisively choose a direction that accounts for both sides as best we can. When we add to this a heap of flexibility, when we give ourselves room to adjust the plan as we go if we find a better way, what we have is both inclusion and movement. The net result - results with a more system-inclusive approach.

Moving from an either/or framework (first tier) to a both/and framework (second tier) provides solutions that account for more of the system, more of the time. That system may be two sides of myself, or us, or our groups, or the Material Plane at large. In any case, Both/And results in solutions that are more effective, more fun, and far, far less costly.

Affirmations 3 - When Affirmations Aren't Enough

Personally I don't believe in affirmations.

What? Yes, you heard me right. Yes, I know I just wrote 2 other posts on affirmations.

Ok so here's the deal. For some people, affirmations are the end-all-be-all - they really work. This is important! There's value here I don't want to dismiss. Meanwhile, for me and for many of my clients, affirmations (as they are conventionally taught) are not powerful. They don't work.

I think that affirmations are a great first step. I think they're absolutely necessary; and, insufficient.

Why?

In TIA - The Integrated Approach (tm), we talk about "melting the ice cube from all sides". We talk about the fact that we're not just mind-controlled entities. We have feelings that impact us, we have underlying needs that we may or may not be aware of. We have abilities or inabilities to take action that's congruent with our decisions. We have old habits of thought, old internalized stories, and inner chatter that may debate with the new attempts to affirm a new way of being. And I believe we are all part of something greater (whether you call it collective unconscious or whether you think we are cells in the system of Gaia or whether you see us as manifestations of Godforce or whether you just think that we are only part of the system of family, community, friends and neighbors that makes up the fabric of our social network). In any case, I believe we're part of a greater interconnected fabric that pulls and pushes and tugs at us completely beyond our will.

In short, we're not just "mind". We're at the very least, "mind, body, spirit, heart, gut and action". We are not just "I alone". We are also part of "we-spaces", and we're part of a system that expands beyond our "we-spaces" into something larger, entwined amongst the tangible and intangible elements of our planet's ecosystem, and beyond.

With all of these factors at play, no wonder New Years' Resolutions are such an endangered species!

So how do we use affirmations or new declarations or make new decisions for evolution (for ourselves, our families, our communities, organizations, or the human race at large) in a way that's more likely to produce the results we hope for?

I hope this "Affirmation Upgrade" will support you at seeing more results easier, faster, and sticking longer.

When Affirmations Aren't Enough

Affirmations are a wonderful start; we're tuning into the cognitive realm, we're playing at the instrument of our subconscious (and potentially the invisible fabric of the subtle body, inviting Providence to align to meet us.)

However, affirmations are far more powerful if you employ the whole system of you: mind, body, spirit, heart, gut and action.

Here's how:

Mind - be sure your affirmations are framed in what you do want; make sure you understand your conditions of satisfaction (ex: "I earn more than ever" is more powerful if you make it measurable, ex: "By December 2013 I am earning more than $80K a year."); make sure they're framed in the present (ex: replace "I would be happier" with "I am happier")

Body - as you work with your affirmations, what posture do you use? Are you reviewing them slumped over on your couch with your shoulders hunched forward, breathing shallowly? This somatic posture is less conducive to learning, growth, healing or evolution than if you reviewed your affirmation while your spine is straight, your head up, your feet planted on the floor, your breath deep and long, and your eyes forward, alert, and engaged. As you work with your affirmations, let your body be a vessel to conduct the message in addition to your mind. You may even choose to embody a gesture that represents the spirit of your affirmation. If your affirmation is about increased power, take on a "Superman Pose" - stand with your arms in the air as if you're flying, with one foot in front of the other. If your affirmation is about movement, walk briskly back and forth through the room as you review your affirmation. If your affirmation is about expansion, what gesture represents that for you? Maybe opening your arms wide (as if you're welcoming the whole planet into a hug) is a gesture that fits. Use your body to help you internalize the impact and spirit of your affirmation.

Spirit - Remember that your benevolent intentions around life increase are congruent with Omnipotence seeking expression in the manifest realm; feel how your practice is a manifestation of the face of Spirit attempting to emerge. If you prefer, simply tap into your own understanding of how you are a part of a greater fabric among the human race - what you do, think, say and practice affects how you interact with dozens or hundreds or thousands of lives each week; feel how your practice is a gift to the larger fabric of humanity. Have you heard of the "100th Monkey" concept? If so, you know that your practice contributes to the collective unconscious and helps evolve all of humanity; take a moment to drink in the gift you are toward life increase and thriving for all on the planet.

Heart - Add an emotional component to your affirmation. Instead of "I earn more", upgrade your affirmation to "I relish the pleasure of the added income I get to enjoy every day." Can you feel how different that lands in your body and in your psychology? Another way you can play the instrument of emotion in your affirmations is described in my e-book and course called "The 10-Minute Manifestor"; we talk about a "pleasure picture" as part of your "bottom line". Imagine you already are experiencing, right now, the affirmation as already done, accomplished, already here, right here, right now. How does your body feel here in this place of having accomplished your affirmation? What sensations do you feel (we're bringing in the body again). How do others look as they greet you, now that you're here in this new place? What do you do and say that's different than you used to? What do others do and say toward you that's different? The heart-element isn't just about emotion, it's also about the power of our visualizations on our subtle-body and subconscious mind. Play with the experience of your affirmation, as though it's here, now.

Gut - When we make up an affirmation, we have (consciously or unconsciously) some underlying values, some benevolent universal need we're trying to meet, some gift we're attempting to give ourselves or others. Are you awake to the values you're trying to fulfill with the affirmation you have chosen? For example, if my affirmation is, "For work, I do what I love and I love what I do," maybe you're trying to gift yourself with more enjoyment, or more fulfillment. Maybe you're trying to fulfill your value for integrity about how you work with others around you. Maybe you are attempting to gift the world with an embodiment that career can be an "occu-passion", a source of joy and delight. Whatever your affirmation is, try to connect with the underlying value, the core motives, the needs you're trying to meet. The more conscious you are about your underlying needs, the more powerful you will be at fulfilling them, and the more likely your affirmations will hold passion and energy for you. Likewise, if you are at odds with your affirmation, it's likely you have an unconscious value that's not yet integrated that wants to be integrated. The more aware you are of your core motives, the more effectively you can create affirmations that account for all of you.

Action - All the repeated affirmation in the world is nothing but fertilizer in a plastic bag, until you spread that affirmation out over the garden of life in the form of action. Then your intentions and dreams will grow. As you review your affirmation, ask yourself, "What am I doing today toward this?" For example, if your affirmation is about your emotional wellbeing, something like, "I like myself," what are you doing today that embodies and amplifies that truth? If your affirmation is about your quality of relationships, what are you doing this week that is a demonstration of your intention? If your affirmation is about organizational change or social activism, what rubber-to-the-road steps are you taking this month toward it?

When we "melt the ice cube from all sides", we align all of the system toward our goal, and we amplify our likelihood of manifesting that intention exponentially.

I have to laugh at the artificiality of separating these six elements. When we act from divine inspiration, is there a separation? When we tap into an emotional state of joy about our desired experience that leads to the body tingling and my face smiling and my mind spontaneously coming up with ideas for how to get me there and then I talk to my neighbors and ask for their help, really is there any division among the elements of the system? I don't think so.

Meanwhile, by paying attention to the six elements of who we most deeply Are, I'm confident you can upgrade your affirmations to statements that are not just mental, but that are also powerful in action, in embodiment, in Spirit, in heart, and in revealing your deepest values.

Yeehaaa,
yes, i said yeehaaa!
*wink*
Gail

Affirmations 2 - When and How to Use Affirmations

So you want more on affirmations, huh?

In the last blog post, "Elements of an Affirmation," I wrote a bit about the elements that make up an affirmation, otherwise known as a declaration. We use affirmations to create a mental state that's conducive to generating the results we would like to experience.

So now that you've constructed your affirmation, how and when do you use it?

Remember, affirmations that are the most powerful are ones that "melt the ice cube from all sides", getting to the diamond result faster and more effectively. Affirmations that include all of you (mind, body, spirit, heart, gut and action) are more likely to succeed than ones that are just statements you repeat over and over to yourself. Have you ever heard of anyone who tried affirmations and they didn't work? If so, odds are they tried only the cognitive, thought part of the affirmation, trying "mind over matter" but neglecting the rest of the system. For more effective affirmations, check out my blog post entitled, "When Affirmations Aren't Enough."

Meanwhile, before you can improve your affirmation / declaration, it helps if you know what to do with it, how to use it.

Conventionally, you may have heard about people who memorize their affirmation and speak it to themselves at will. For example, a nervous public-speaker may look in the mirror before a speaking engagement and repeat over and over, "I am comfortable, confident, and I trust myself." However, this may not work for everyone; no one method works best for every person. We each have different learning styles, different lifestyles, and different preferences.

So then how do you use affirmations in a way that best suits you? Here is a set of ideas to help you know when, and how, to use your affirmations in a way that best works for you.

How To Use An Affirmation?

What is your best learning mode - auditory, visual, or kinesthetic? Are you more inclined to easily learn something new if you hear it, if you read it, or if you experience it?

Knowing your personal learning type will help you know how to best use your affirmations so that you get the most out of your practice.

If you're more auditory, record your affirmation and listen to the playback, or speak it to yourself, or have a loved one speak it to you. If you're more visual, write it on sticky notes and post it where you see it multiple times a day. If you're more kinesthetic, find a body gesture that matches your affirmation, and let your body "dance" the affirmation as a movement, a physical expression.

Ex: Lisa is a kinesthetic learner; she says, "for me to get something new, I have to do it a few times." Lisa's affirmation says, "I am calmer and more peaceful every day." For Lisa, feeling the gesture of one long, deep exhale embodies the, "calmer and more peaceful" that she's reaching for. So whenever Lisa wants to touch base with her affirmation, she exhales a long, cleansing, deep breath. This physical gesture supports her to connect with her affirmation more easily.

Ex: Mark is more visual; when he's trying to get clear about something new, once he sees it he gets it. For Mark, the most evident way for him to get crystal clear with his affirmation is to keep a small card in his wallet with his affirmation written on it. When he needs it he opens his wallet, takes out his card, and looks over his affirmation a few times. The visual cue of his affirmation card is all he needs to see his affirmation working for him.

Ex: Trish is highly auditory. She listens to a lot of music, she studies by audiobook, she relishes hearing the sound of the ocean near her house. Trish didn't enjoy just looking at her affirmation, it didn't start to resonate for her until she heard the sound of it ringing in her ears as she spoke the affirmation out loud, with her eyes closed. For Trish, a daily practice of speaking her affirmation and hearing the echoes of it helps her most effectively get in tune with it.

When to Use Your Affirmation?

Some people simply review their affirmation in the morning, some review it three times a day, some do their affirmation only in the situation where they need it.

If you only want your affirmation to affect specific circumstances, you can:
- whip it out only when you need it
- do "pre-hearsal" to practice having it available before the circumstance hits
- do "post-hearsal" to improve your skills after-the-fact

If you want your affirmation to become a new way of being for you, I recommend reviewing it at least twice a day - once in the morning when you're still sleepy and once at night before you go to bed. These are times when our consciousness is most suggestible, and when we may be most successful at integrating a new habit. For more on this, check out "Best Practices for Integrating New Habits".


What If It's Not Working?

So you have your affirmation, you're confident it's congruent with the elements of a powerful affirmation, and you're using it how and when you think will best serve you, and it's not giving you results? If that's the case, you may need an "affirmation upgrade". For more on what makes affirmation more likely to succeed, check out my blog post entitled, "When Affirmations Aren't Enough".

Until then,
Smiles and blessings to you for fulfillment and thriving all around!
Gail

Affirmations 1 - Elements of an Affirmation

So you are curious about affirmations, huh?

We use affirmations to create a mental state that's conducive to generating the results we would like to experience, but affirmations can be far more effective than just "motivation" or "feel good techniques" or "blahblah yeah yeah this is what I want." I'm sure you've seen the images of someone staring at themselves in a mirror saying "I like myself." That doesn't hold a candle to what affirmations can really do for you.

Affirmations, otherwise known as declarations, can be a powerful starting point for:

- you to have more of the fulfillment you want
- your loved ones to experience more of the thriving they want
- your colleagues to enjoy more rewarding, more productive careers
- your community to experience more of the environment they want
- our world to experience more of the kind of world we want.

Affirmations that are the most successful aren't just "affirmations". What do I mean by that? I mean, affirmations that are the most powerful are ones that integrate not just the mind and your thoughts, but ones that integrate all six aspects of who you are (mind, body, spirit, heart, gut and action). You can see more about what I mean in my blog post, "When Affirmations Aren't Enough".

Meanwhile, if you're new to affirmations, it helps to know a bit about the "what" and the "how" of them.

What are the elements of a powerful affirmation? How do people use affirmations?

Welcome to Affirmation Basics.

Affirmation Basics - The Elements of an Affirmation

What is an affirmation? Let's talk about the elements of constructing a declaration or affirmation that is most likely to work.

When you want to create an affirmation, you want to be sure you start out with these three basic tips:

1. Keep it in the Present
2. Declare what you do want, rather than what you don't
3. Give yourself room to "fake it till you make it."

What do these three basics mean?

Keep it in the Present

When working with clients who are making a declaration or an affirmation, I sometimes hear future-oriented statements like "I want to" statements (statements like "I want to make more money" or "I want to do work I love" or "I want to have a better relationship"). Sometimes I hear the "I will" statements (statements like "I will make more money next year" or "I will be living in a wonderful house" or "Our family will be kinder to each other.")

Although these future-oriented statements are a step toward what you want, by practicing a repetition that what is in the future, you inadvertently keep your goal always in the future.

To strengthen the power of your affirmation or declaration, keep it in the present.

For example you can keep your affirmations in the present when you replace, "I want to" or "I will ... " with a verb in the present tense: "I am / I have / We enjoy / We do ..."

We relish the love in our relationship.
I love living in my spacious, clean, comfortable home.
Our family shares loving time together.
Everyone in the office raves about how fun it is to work here.
I make more money now than ever before.
Our community eats more and more healthily every week.

Declare what you DO Want

Next, instead of affirming / declaring what you don't want, be sure to affirm / declare what you do want.

Ex: replace "I no longer date obnoxious men," with, "I date chivalrous, generous men who adore me."

Ex: replace "My work isn't boring anymore," with "I do what I love for work."

By focusing on what you do want, you improve your ability to ask for it and to make decisions that are more likely to generate what you do want.


Give Yourself Room to "Fake it Till You Make It."

Often when a new client begins doing affirmations, I'll hear comments like, "But that's not real, I'm just lying to myself." It's true that in the beginning you'll feel the gap between what you want and what you currently experience. We call this training, not lying.

Remember that the goal of affirmations is to give yourself a conscious mantra, a cue, a story, which will impact your subconscious and help you get where you want to be.

How is this different than lying to yourself?

When we lie, we typically are doing it in secret (we don't tell the other person we're lying) and we often do it for some sort of non-benevolent purpose (to get away with something, or to hide something, or to avoid difficulty rather than facing the music).

When we "Fake it till you make it", we're deliberately choosing a habit that supports training the subconscious. This deliberate act isn't lying so long as it's done in a transparent way (you know you're doing it, so both the trainer and trainee are aware of what's going on), and the intent is purely benevolent (your intent is for life increase).

When and how do we use affirmations?

Read on to my next blog post!

Warmly,
Gail

public domain images courtesy of stock.xchng

Best Practices for Integrating New Habits

When I was in college (just last year....heh yeah right) I crossed paths with a concept I call, "Programming and Metaprogramming the Human Biocomputer". The phrase alone turned me on. I mean, what? We can reprogram our brains as easily as a computer geek can reprogram a computer? How cool is that?

For years since then (what? i just graduated, remember?) I was intrigued by anything related to helping myself and others generate what we want from the complex system of our brains, rather than being run by genetics, social brainwashing, or peer pressure. I wanted to know how to master my body-mind system, rather than be hijacked and run by it.

So here's a small gift for you. This list is a collection of techniques I picked up along the path, tried-and-true processes for personal selective repatterning (see how good i learned to speek in school):

Techniques For Quick and Easy Habit Replacement

1. Healthier, Better, Kinder - Whatever habit you want to replace, find an alternative habit that is healthier. For example, when I was 17 and wanted to stop biting my nails, each time I was tempted to bite my nails I instead taught myself to massage my cuticles. This would improve blood flow and help my nails grow longer, stronger, faster. It also gave me something kinder to my body than destroying my nails with my teeth. A client wanting to lose weight didn't want to give up her choice and freedom in what foods to eat, so we experimented with her taking a walk each time she wanted to munch between meals. Not only did she cultivate her health through the exercise, it also improved her metabolism (increased calorie burning through increased activity) and cut her between-meal munching by more than half.

2. The 21-day Game - Whether you're trying to integrate a new habit or a trying to replace an old habit, practice for 21-days. I forget the source of where I found this, but if you consistently repeat something for 21 days, I understand it helps generate synaptic connections in the brain; you are physically re-hardwiring your system. Remember habits start out as nothing but electrical impulses in the brain, so if you allow a pattern to atrophy for 21 days, or if you create a new pathway for the impulse to fire (massaging cuticles was a new pathway) for 21 days, or if you repeat your new habit for 21 days, you're literally rewiring your bio-machine in the direction of your choice.

3. Blue on Blue, Woohoo - For quick and easy memorization (especially useful for mantra / affirmation / declaration cards or new learnings), try writing your statement on a blue index card in blue ink. Again I have to find the original reference for this, but I recall reading that when we look at items in blue, the brain actually has an easier time imprinting it / memorizing it. If you find this reference would you email me please? gail@integratedcoaches.com

4. Key Moments of Suggestibility - When you want to induce a message for yourself that will sink in quickly and easily, do your practices when your subconscious is most suggestible. When is that? When you're very sleepy, very hungry, or in a post-orgasmic state, your subconscious tends to be less guarded, more open and receptive. So if you are practicing a new declaration, review it in the morning when you wake and are still groggy, or last thing before you go to bed and you're dead tired, or (well you get the idea). My favorite story about this: a 20-something client who as a child was a victim of repeat rape wanted to reclaim her love of the male body, but nothing she tried worked. I recommended she try a 21-day practice of, during a post-orgasmic state, imagining herself with a nude, loving man, and relishing his form, delighting in it. After only 7 days, the client reported a radical, apparently miraculous change: she no longer was repulsed at the idea of a nude man with her. We've stayed in touch, and even years later she reports highly successful relationships with men, including sexually, and she beams at the thought of the male body. If a trauma-victim can have this level of recovery in a mere 7-days, what could you experience?

5. Loving Kindness for the Ex - No, I'm not talking about your love relationship with another, I'm talking about your love relationship for you and the habit you're attempting to replace. "What we resist, persists," and what we banish about ourselves (or others!) only becomes repressed and returns in darker, stronger form. Remember that the habit you had was at some level an attempt to gift yourself or others. My nail-biting was an outlet for a very nervous, unsettled 17-year old girl. All of us are doing the best we can with what we have, all the time. By holding yourself (and your ex-habits) gently, you gently give yourself room to evolve, and you increase the likelihood of maintaining whatever gifts your old habit was trying to give you.

If you'd like support on using this habit-replacement or new-habit technology, feel free to call me for a complementary hour-long consultation toward an ongoing coaching relationship. You can even start slowly - you can start with something as small as 4-sessions a cycle! To reach me toll-free, call 1.877.535.5438, or you can email me.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to return to my college graduation party planning. (Ok, the 2-year anniversary of my graduation? No? Ok the 10 year? *sigh*)

Cheers to quick and effortless habit evolution!

Sending love,
Gail

public domain images courtesy of stockxpert

Thoughts Are Things

Here's an excerpt from a recent email exchange, I hope and trust may serve you!

Warmly,
Gail

> > what we focus on we attract more of....

> would you educate me on that notion, oh obi wan?
> you've stated that sentiment before, i think i grok it
> intuitively, but i'd like to develop a better mental
> model for why that is true.

heh

i'll do my best to convey what i understand

• thoughts are things; law of attraction
  
• napoleon hill, think and grow rich
• what we focus on we attract more of - law of deliberate creation; abraham-hicks
• align your energies and providence will move to meet you - abbreviation of the Goethe quote below
• "for things to change, you have to change. for things to get better, your thoughts have to get better." - bill gouldd
• make a request - marshall rosenberg
• movie - The Secret

...

there are several ways i understand the truth to "thoughts are things".

one is that the subconscious mind is like a dog - whatever you tell it to do, it will obey without discrimination. we know in psychology that people subconsciously seek evidence to support the thoughts they choose to hold. ex: if i permit inner chatter that says "people are idiots", my subconscious mind will obediently take that in as truth, and i will now have an unconscious process operating that looks for where it's true that people are idiots, and filtering the world in those terms...i will inadvertently, unconsciously, look for evidence to substantiate my inner chatter....even if i'm immersed among amazing folks, my attention will be drawn to gloss over that and will instead seek out where they are being idiots, and who is the biggest idiot, because "idiot" is what i've inadvertently trained my subconscious mind to pay attention to...the result of my very obedient subconscious is that suddenly all i will experience is all the idiots around me.

now on the other hand, if i choose inner chatter that says "people are generally trying to do the best they can", my subconscious mind will obediently take that in as truth, and i will now have an unconscious process operating that looks for where it's true that people are doing the best that they can, and I filter the world in those terms...i will inadvertently, unconsciously, look for evidence to substantiate my inner chatter....even if i'm immersed among total idiots, my attention will be drawn to gloss over that and will instead seek out where they are doing the best they can, and i've inadvertently trained my subconscious mind to pay attention to that...the result of my very obedient subconscious is that suddenly all i will experience is all the ways the people around me are really doing the best they can.

by the way, we also have psychological evidence showing that how we think about others - without ever saying it - impacts how they behave. school children somehow know when a teacher has labeled them as 'trouble', even when the teacher tries not to reveal the judgment. and the children wind up living up to it. likewise, when managers perceive employees as lazy or unproductive, even the highest performers suddenly, inexplicably, decline in performance. the reverse is also true. when teachers label students 'gifted', the students eagerly try to live up to the label; when employees are considered 'assets', they are more likely to produce more positive output.

thoughts are things.

so knowing that this is in operation, i choose my thoughts and my beliefs very very carefully. when i find a belief that doesn't serve me i set immediate action in motion to rewire it. when i hear myself habitually pointing to what i do NOT like or something i DON'T want, i take immediate action to reframe it. ex: if i find a thought that says "i can't tell her, she'll have a meltdown", i realize that cultivating *that* belief as an unconscious process only reinforces my belief. so instead i'll try out "there IS a way i can tell her that she can handle...what is it?" and voila now my subconscious mind, obediently taking in that directive, will seek out answers, evidence, and substantiation for *that* belief. that's much more in my favor. so i choose to put my subconscious on the task of what i DO want at all times.

let's take this out of the subconscious and into something more practical. if i spend my time thinking about what i want, i then can take action to get it. if i spend my time only focusing on what i do NOT like and what i do NOT want...where will my actions go?

so bottom line, at the level of the tangible world, the gross-physical-body, i see a direct correlation between how we habitually think and how we act....and i see a direct correlation between (what we think and how we act) and (what kind of experience we have in the world). i see a 3-link chain, and in seeing it it holds weight for me. the 3-link chain goes like this:
- my inner chatter / self-talk / habits of speech / habits of thought plug into and (to a large degree) shape my subconscious mind
- my sub-conscious mind impacts/affects my actions, my decision-making processes, and my perception.
- thus, whatever is going on in my subconscious mind actually has the power to contort or shape what i do, what i ask for (or don't ask for), how i decide (if i'm clear about what i DO want, i can make more conscious choices in favor of it), and what i experience as "actual experience"

that's a mouthful right there.

ok ready for another layer?

next, i have an association not only at the direct/tangible/gross-body level, but also at the level of the miraculous / the indirect / the interconnected subtle-body fabric. let's call this the alchemy of intent/manifestation.

have you heard "align your energies and providence moves to meet you"?

(ever thought about a penny and then found 5 that day?)

ever heard people talk about the benefits of "affirmations"? ok affirmations alone don't always work, they sometimes need a bit more...but you may be starting to get a picture, right?

this picture may be easier to understand if you have experience with what i mean when i say the "subtle fabric".

without looking, speaking, or knowing, you can *feel* when someone walks into the room pissed off, hmm? or ever had a "sense" when someone was looking at you and look up and catch them square in the eyes?

if we imagine that there is such a thing as an invisible interconnected web between us all, a kind of energetic impact that we have (sometimes greater, sometimes lesser) on the world around us, then merely intending a thing with absolute commitment may help it become so.

(ex: a scientist finding an electron right where he "expects" it to be)...

if it's true that our thoughts can impact the physical world around us, then what do you want to be committing your thoughts to? "i worry about how the meeting will turn out"? or "i trust the meeting will turn out for the best?" do you want "i'm afraid you'll yell at me" or "i really want our conversation to be easy"?

in the physics concept of an electron showing up where it's expected - what if what's "real" is that all infinite possibilities exist in the universe simultaneously, but YOUR experience of the universe depends entirely on what you as the Life Scientist focus your attention on? which of the infinite possible electron locations do you *want*? just focus on it.

i've experienced alchemical miracles on many occasions, i experience more every single day, it's an active part of my life. but let's say i had not.

let's just say - hypothetically - *if* it were true that my thoughts, my emotions, and the alignment in me could actually impact reality (ex: a scientist finding an electron right where he "expects" it to be) - then baby i'm sure as heck going to select and choose my thoughts carefully. i'm going to be careful not to permit myself to inadvertently land that electron where i do NOT want it - i'm going to focus my attention and train my thoughts to put that electron where i DO want it.

ever see the movie Sphere?

next let's take a systemic look at how our thoughts impact our reality. when i think about what i don't like, what i don't want, what is not working, and what i'm bummed out about, my whole chest feels like it's going to cave in. i feel discouraged, depressed, down and out. this is *not* a productive or creative state of mind. ever try to come up with a resourceful solution when you're angry? it's hard! likewise, while my chest is caved in and my emotions are dragging across the floor i am NOT very resourceful to create the experience i want. i can't even be a positive contributor when i'm in that state.

so when i realize that my thoughts impact my state which impacts my capacity to be resourceful, i take responsibility for my every thought and every speech act. i limit my thoughts to what i DO want and what i WOULD like and what WOULD work for me.

ever heard of the Buddhist concept of "right speech"?

ever heard of the book "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought"?

incidentally, people around me who want to contribute to me feel way better when i say what i DO want and what i WOULD like and what WOULD work for me - because then they have clarity about how to contribute to me. and they do. but when we habitually focus our thoughts on the opposite, we are not as strong in asking for what we DO want. and if we don't ask for what we want, how can others effortlessly know how to contribute to us? which isn't a small incident at all, in fact.

so again - thoughts are things. if i think "man i don't want to go hungry", and i'm in a contracted state of self-protection and fear, i'll be far less resourceful to take care of what i DO want, and people around me who feel uncomfortable with my self-protectiveness will be less inclined to contribute. on the other hand if i say "woo baby i'd really love a super-delicious hot and juicy meal tonight," now i'm a first step toward getting one - i can ask for it. now suddenly people around me are magnetized by my vision and gravitate to helping make it happen and enjoying it themselves. thoughts become things.

Finally here's that Goethe quote and a question:

"Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth...the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now." http://www.goethesociety.org/pages/quotescom.html

If providence moves all sorts of things to meet you based on what you think -- then what are you committing your thoughts to?

If the ability to commit to a decision springs out of your habits of thought, what habits do you permit in the way you think? What do you choose to focus on?

Hope this helps!!!

thoughts?

love,
g