3 Steps to Finding Fulfillment

Wallowing: the act of focusing on what we don't like, don't want, don't have, and/or what isn't working, at the expense of taking the next step. What is the next step? Articulating what Is It We Do Want, Would Like, Wish To Have?

• Last week I had a call with a client who said, "I just realized I've spent so much time focusing on what I don't like about my life that I've put no energy into trying to understand what I want."

• A woman in Nevada so consistently focuses on what she does NOT know that she never takes the step to ask others if they know, so that she can know.
  
  
• A man in Colorado finds his life so terribly unfulfilling that he's crushed under the weight of his loneliness and misery, but he doesn't cultivate the skill of asking for what *would* bring him fulfillment.

When I watch these clients and so many of you living the same habits, these moments break my heart, because I so so want for your opening, your thriving, your joy, and your exquisite-cup-overflowing-fulfillment.

Would you consider taking on these 3 steps toward finding relief for yourself?

3 Steps To Finding Fulfillment:

1. Track your list of what isn't working, what you don't like, what you don't want, etc. This first step is vital, as a first step. But when we stop there, we merely cultivate our own misery, disempower ourselves, and piss in the ears of people around us, perpetuating more misery. Writing them down gives us a place to move from.

2. Next, for each line in your list of #1, ask yourself - what is the YEARNING behind that voice. If the line for #1 says, "My life sucks." (what I don't want) - write in column 2, "I want more XYZ". If your line for #1 says, "My boss is a jerk." (what I don't like) - write in column 2, "I'd like to be treated with more respect." What does that voice in #1 yearn for? What do you need that the voice in #1 is dearly (and tragically, in its style) trying to ask for? What does the voice in #1 want more of?

3. Make a doable request to *get* the thing you wrote about in #2. Write down a request you can make of yourself, or that you can make of someone else. If in column 2 you wrote, "I want to be treated with more respect," ask yourself to stop your boss the next time you want it and say, "Listen, would you be willing to speak to me at a lower volume?" Write it down.

What? You can't think of a request for #3? Try this: I request myself to ask 3 people what they would do if they were in my shoes and wanted what I want in column #2.

Now what? Do you have to actually MAKE this request? Oh, you may do it, you may not. However, learning to translate your wallowing into an actionable request about what you DO want will take you miles further toward finding fulfillment. While you wallow, you are 100% guaranteed to NOT get what you want. While you translate wallowing into what you want, and try to get better and better at making requests to fulfill what you want, you have at least a 50-50 shot! Maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't. But at least you'll have a chance.

If you'd like more information about "Powerful Requests", or if you'd like support to make the 3 steps work for you, or if you'd like help to come up with doable requests that will actually help you meet your needs, call for a coaching session: toll-free 1.877.535.5438.


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Directing vs/ Informing

Many of my coaching clients get tremendous results and benefit from a body of work I've created called "Powerful Requests". Although it goes in tandem with another body of work I call "The 10-Minute Manifestor" - "Powerful Requests" elements also often stand alone.

Here's an excerpt from "Powerful Requests" that I hope you'll enjoy using!

Warmly,
GailDirecting versus Informing

Directing and Informing are two styles of how we can make requests. In Directing, we explicitly direct the person to fulfill what we'd like (we ask that they tell us something, or do something that will meet a need for us, or agree to a change that will gift us both). In Informing, we simply give them information and let them come up with a thought about what they'll do about it.

"I'm cold." - Informing
"Would you grab me a sweater please?" - Directing

Both styles are powerful. In the play of energies of yin and yang, if we imagine that the Informing style is yin, and the directing style is yang - by having full skill to use both, we can more effectively support the world around us. Some people will resent being directed; meeting them with yin Informing style may be a gift that opens them. Some will be confused if they are met with the Informing style and not take action to attend to the needs at hand. They may find it a gift to be simply directed at what it will take to contribute to the need on the table.

Often when clients come to me for help to manifest the kind of ease, fulfillment, and thriving they'd like, they may be adept at Informing but not so adept at Directing.

The skill of clearly, explicitly speaking to your underlying needs and what you want others to do about contributing to your needs can make or break your life thriving.

Extract on Stronger Directing:

When making a request, be sure your request tells the person (or yourself) what you want Done - not just the outcome you want or the circumstances you experience.

Client: I told him I wanted a lighter schedule!
G: As him, I hear you giving me information, but it doesn't tell me what you want me to do. You might opt to strengthen your request with:

Ex: I'd like no more than 3 hours this week. Could you tell me if that's workable?
Here you're telling them to do something - to tell you if they can honor the prior sentence.

Other direct requests (ones that tell the speaker what you want them to do) might include:
Ex: Please tell me which 3 hours you'd like of me.
Ex: Please erase 7 of the 10 hours from my schedule.
Ex: Please schedule me only on Monday from 9-12.

The more you direct, rather than inform, the more likely your request will be met.


Would you like 5 free ideas for how to turn something you want into a more "Powerful Request"? Include it in your comment, and I'll respond!

Needs vs/ Needy?

Thanks to friend Eric B. from Vermont - I got to thinking today about needs as power or a vision, as opposed to needs as a dependency. In TIA we talk about the power of making requests to fulfill underlying needs...but is there a different energy when we're making a request from vision rather from a 'need to meet a need'?

Hrm...

Curiouser and Curiouser
Gail

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.

Oscar Levant