Impossible? Too hard? Etc?

"Argue for your limitations and sure enough they will be yours."

-- Richard Bach

Affirmations 2 - When and How to Use Affirmations

So you want more on affirmations, huh?

In the last blog post, "Elements of an Affirmation," I wrote a bit about the elements that make up an affirmation, otherwise known as a declaration. We use affirmations to create a mental state that's conducive to generating the results we would like to experience.

So now that you've constructed your affirmation, how and when do you use it?

Remember, affirmations that are the most powerful are ones that "melt the ice cube from all sides", getting to the diamond result faster and more effectively. Affirmations that include all of you (mind, body, spirit, heart, gut and action) are more likely to succeed than ones that are just statements you repeat over and over to yourself. Have you ever heard of anyone who tried affirmations and they didn't work? If so, odds are they tried only the cognitive, thought part of the affirmation, trying "mind over matter" but neglecting the rest of the system. For more effective affirmations, check out my blog post entitled, "When Affirmations Aren't Enough."

Meanwhile, before you can improve your affirmation / declaration, it helps if you know what to do with it, how to use it.

Conventionally, you may have heard about people who memorize their affirmation and speak it to themselves at will. For example, a nervous public-speaker may look in the mirror before a speaking engagement and repeat over and over, "I am comfortable, confident, and I trust myself." However, this may not work for everyone; no one method works best for every person. We each have different learning styles, different lifestyles, and different preferences.

So then how do you use affirmations in a way that best suits you? Here is a set of ideas to help you know when, and how, to use your affirmations in a way that best works for you.

How To Use An Affirmation?

What is your best learning mode - auditory, visual, or kinesthetic? Are you more inclined to easily learn something new if you hear it, if you read it, or if you experience it?

Knowing your personal learning type will help you know how to best use your affirmations so that you get the most out of your practice.

If you're more auditory, record your affirmation and listen to the playback, or speak it to yourself, or have a loved one speak it to you. If you're more visual, write it on sticky notes and post it where you see it multiple times a day. If you're more kinesthetic, find a body gesture that matches your affirmation, and let your body "dance" the affirmation as a movement, a physical expression.

Ex: Lisa is a kinesthetic learner; she says, "for me to get something new, I have to do it a few times." Lisa's affirmation says, "I am calmer and more peaceful every day." For Lisa, feeling the gesture of one long, deep exhale embodies the, "calmer and more peaceful" that she's reaching for. So whenever Lisa wants to touch base with her affirmation, she exhales a long, cleansing, deep breath. This physical gesture supports her to connect with her affirmation more easily.

Ex: Mark is more visual; when he's trying to get clear about something new, once he sees it he gets it. For Mark, the most evident way for him to get crystal clear with his affirmation is to keep a small card in his wallet with his affirmation written on it. When he needs it he opens his wallet, takes out his card, and looks over his affirmation a few times. The visual cue of his affirmation card is all he needs to see his affirmation working for him.

Ex: Trish is highly auditory. She listens to a lot of music, she studies by audiobook, she relishes hearing the sound of the ocean near her house. Trish didn't enjoy just looking at her affirmation, it didn't start to resonate for her until she heard the sound of it ringing in her ears as she spoke the affirmation out loud, with her eyes closed. For Trish, a daily practice of speaking her affirmation and hearing the echoes of it helps her most effectively get in tune with it.

When to Use Your Affirmation?

Some people simply review their affirmation in the morning, some review it three times a day, some do their affirmation only in the situation where they need it.

If you only want your affirmation to affect specific circumstances, you can:
- whip it out only when you need it
- do "pre-hearsal" to practice having it available before the circumstance hits
- do "post-hearsal" to improve your skills after-the-fact

If you want your affirmation to become a new way of being for you, I recommend reviewing it at least twice a day - once in the morning when you're still sleepy and once at night before you go to bed. These are times when our consciousness is most suggestible, and when we may be most successful at integrating a new habit. For more on this, check out "Best Practices for Integrating New Habits".


What If It's Not Working?

So you have your affirmation, you're confident it's congruent with the elements of a powerful affirmation, and you're using it how and when you think will best serve you, and it's not giving you results? If that's the case, you may need an "affirmation upgrade". For more on what makes affirmation more likely to succeed, check out my blog post entitled, "When Affirmations Aren't Enough".

Until then,
Smiles and blessings to you for fulfillment and thriving all around!
Gail

Affirmations 1 - Elements of an Affirmation

So you are curious about affirmations, huh?

We use affirmations to create a mental state that's conducive to generating the results we would like to experience, but affirmations can be far more effective than just "motivation" or "feel good techniques" or "blahblah yeah yeah this is what I want." I'm sure you've seen the images of someone staring at themselves in a mirror saying "I like myself." That doesn't hold a candle to what affirmations can really do for you.

Affirmations, otherwise known as declarations, can be a powerful starting point for:

- you to have more of the fulfillment you want
- your loved ones to experience more of the thriving they want
- your colleagues to enjoy more rewarding, more productive careers
- your community to experience more of the environment they want
- our world to experience more of the kind of world we want.

Affirmations that are the most successful aren't just "affirmations". What do I mean by that? I mean, affirmations that are the most powerful are ones that integrate not just the mind and your thoughts, but ones that integrate all six aspects of who you are (mind, body, spirit, heart, gut and action). You can see more about what I mean in my blog post, "When Affirmations Aren't Enough".

Meanwhile, if you're new to affirmations, it helps to know a bit about the "what" and the "how" of them.

What are the elements of a powerful affirmation? How do people use affirmations?

Welcome to Affirmation Basics.

Affirmation Basics - The Elements of an Affirmation

What is an affirmation? Let's talk about the elements of constructing a declaration or affirmation that is most likely to work.

When you want to create an affirmation, you want to be sure you start out with these three basic tips:

1. Keep it in the Present
2. Declare what you do want, rather than what you don't
3. Give yourself room to "fake it till you make it."

What do these three basics mean?

Keep it in the Present

When working with clients who are making a declaration or an affirmation, I sometimes hear future-oriented statements like "I want to" statements (statements like "I want to make more money" or "I want to do work I love" or "I want to have a better relationship"). Sometimes I hear the "I will" statements (statements like "I will make more money next year" or "I will be living in a wonderful house" or "Our family will be kinder to each other.")

Although these future-oriented statements are a step toward what you want, by practicing a repetition that what is in the future, you inadvertently keep your goal always in the future.

To strengthen the power of your affirmation or declaration, keep it in the present.

For example you can keep your affirmations in the present when you replace, "I want to" or "I will ... " with a verb in the present tense: "I am / I have / We enjoy / We do ..."

We relish the love in our relationship.
I love living in my spacious, clean, comfortable home.
Our family shares loving time together.
Everyone in the office raves about how fun it is to work here.
I make more money now than ever before.
Our community eats more and more healthily every week.

Declare what you DO Want

Next, instead of affirming / declaring what you don't want, be sure to affirm / declare what you do want.

Ex: replace "I no longer date obnoxious men," with, "I date chivalrous, generous men who adore me."

Ex: replace "My work isn't boring anymore," with "I do what I love for work."

By focusing on what you do want, you improve your ability to ask for it and to make decisions that are more likely to generate what you do want.


Give Yourself Room to "Fake it Till You Make It."

Often when a new client begins doing affirmations, I'll hear comments like, "But that's not real, I'm just lying to myself." It's true that in the beginning you'll feel the gap between what you want and what you currently experience. We call this training, not lying.

Remember that the goal of affirmations is to give yourself a conscious mantra, a cue, a story, which will impact your subconscious and help you get where you want to be.

How is this different than lying to yourself?

When we lie, we typically are doing it in secret (we don't tell the other person we're lying) and we often do it for some sort of non-benevolent purpose (to get away with something, or to hide something, or to avoid difficulty rather than facing the music).

When we "Fake it till you make it", we're deliberately choosing a habit that supports training the subconscious. This deliberate act isn't lying so long as it's done in a transparent way (you know you're doing it, so both the trainer and trainee are aware of what's going on), and the intent is purely benevolent (your intent is for life increase).

When and how do we use affirmations?

Read on to my next blog post!

Warmly,
Gail

public domain images courtesy of stock.xchng

Thoughts Are Things

Here's an excerpt from a recent email exchange, I hope and trust may serve you!

Warmly,
Gail

> > what we focus on we attract more of....

> would you educate me on that notion, oh obi wan?
> you've stated that sentiment before, i think i grok it
> intuitively, but i'd like to develop a better mental
> model for why that is true.

heh

i'll do my best to convey what i understand

• thoughts are things; law of attraction
  
• napoleon hill, think and grow rich
• what we focus on we attract more of - law of deliberate creation; abraham-hicks
• align your energies and providence will move to meet you - abbreviation of the Goethe quote below
• "for things to change, you have to change. for things to get better, your thoughts have to get better." - bill gouldd
• make a request - marshall rosenberg
• movie - The Secret

...

there are several ways i understand the truth to "thoughts are things".

one is that the subconscious mind is like a dog - whatever you tell it to do, it will obey without discrimination. we know in psychology that people subconsciously seek evidence to support the thoughts they choose to hold. ex: if i permit inner chatter that says "people are idiots", my subconscious mind will obediently take that in as truth, and i will now have an unconscious process operating that looks for where it's true that people are idiots, and filtering the world in those terms...i will inadvertently, unconsciously, look for evidence to substantiate my inner chatter....even if i'm immersed among amazing folks, my attention will be drawn to gloss over that and will instead seek out where they are being idiots, and who is the biggest idiot, because "idiot" is what i've inadvertently trained my subconscious mind to pay attention to...the result of my very obedient subconscious is that suddenly all i will experience is all the idiots around me.

now on the other hand, if i choose inner chatter that says "people are generally trying to do the best they can", my subconscious mind will obediently take that in as truth, and i will now have an unconscious process operating that looks for where it's true that people are doing the best that they can, and I filter the world in those terms...i will inadvertently, unconsciously, look for evidence to substantiate my inner chatter....even if i'm immersed among total idiots, my attention will be drawn to gloss over that and will instead seek out where they are doing the best they can, and i've inadvertently trained my subconscious mind to pay attention to that...the result of my very obedient subconscious is that suddenly all i will experience is all the ways the people around me are really doing the best they can.

by the way, we also have psychological evidence showing that how we think about others - without ever saying it - impacts how they behave. school children somehow know when a teacher has labeled them as 'trouble', even when the teacher tries not to reveal the judgment. and the children wind up living up to it. likewise, when managers perceive employees as lazy or unproductive, even the highest performers suddenly, inexplicably, decline in performance. the reverse is also true. when teachers label students 'gifted', the students eagerly try to live up to the label; when employees are considered 'assets', they are more likely to produce more positive output.

thoughts are things.

so knowing that this is in operation, i choose my thoughts and my beliefs very very carefully. when i find a belief that doesn't serve me i set immediate action in motion to rewire it. when i hear myself habitually pointing to what i do NOT like or something i DON'T want, i take immediate action to reframe it. ex: if i find a thought that says "i can't tell her, she'll have a meltdown", i realize that cultivating *that* belief as an unconscious process only reinforces my belief. so instead i'll try out "there IS a way i can tell her that she can handle...what is it?" and voila now my subconscious mind, obediently taking in that directive, will seek out answers, evidence, and substantiation for *that* belief. that's much more in my favor. so i choose to put my subconscious on the task of what i DO want at all times.

let's take this out of the subconscious and into something more practical. if i spend my time thinking about what i want, i then can take action to get it. if i spend my time only focusing on what i do NOT like and what i do NOT want...where will my actions go?

so bottom line, at the level of the tangible world, the gross-physical-body, i see a direct correlation between how we habitually think and how we act....and i see a direct correlation between (what we think and how we act) and (what kind of experience we have in the world). i see a 3-link chain, and in seeing it it holds weight for me. the 3-link chain goes like this:
- my inner chatter / self-talk / habits of speech / habits of thought plug into and (to a large degree) shape my subconscious mind
- my sub-conscious mind impacts/affects my actions, my decision-making processes, and my perception.
- thus, whatever is going on in my subconscious mind actually has the power to contort or shape what i do, what i ask for (or don't ask for), how i decide (if i'm clear about what i DO want, i can make more conscious choices in favor of it), and what i experience as "actual experience"

that's a mouthful right there.

ok ready for another layer?

next, i have an association not only at the direct/tangible/gross-body level, but also at the level of the miraculous / the indirect / the interconnected subtle-body fabric. let's call this the alchemy of intent/manifestation.

have you heard "align your energies and providence moves to meet you"?

(ever thought about a penny and then found 5 that day?)

ever heard people talk about the benefits of "affirmations"? ok affirmations alone don't always work, they sometimes need a bit more...but you may be starting to get a picture, right?

this picture may be easier to understand if you have experience with what i mean when i say the "subtle fabric".

without looking, speaking, or knowing, you can *feel* when someone walks into the room pissed off, hmm? or ever had a "sense" when someone was looking at you and look up and catch them square in the eyes?

if we imagine that there is such a thing as an invisible interconnected web between us all, a kind of energetic impact that we have (sometimes greater, sometimes lesser) on the world around us, then merely intending a thing with absolute commitment may help it become so.

(ex: a scientist finding an electron right where he "expects" it to be)...

if it's true that our thoughts can impact the physical world around us, then what do you want to be committing your thoughts to? "i worry about how the meeting will turn out"? or "i trust the meeting will turn out for the best?" do you want "i'm afraid you'll yell at me" or "i really want our conversation to be easy"?

in the physics concept of an electron showing up where it's expected - what if what's "real" is that all infinite possibilities exist in the universe simultaneously, but YOUR experience of the universe depends entirely on what you as the Life Scientist focus your attention on? which of the infinite possible electron locations do you *want*? just focus on it.

i've experienced alchemical miracles on many occasions, i experience more every single day, it's an active part of my life. but let's say i had not.

let's just say - hypothetically - *if* it were true that my thoughts, my emotions, and the alignment in me could actually impact reality (ex: a scientist finding an electron right where he "expects" it to be) - then baby i'm sure as heck going to select and choose my thoughts carefully. i'm going to be careful not to permit myself to inadvertently land that electron where i do NOT want it - i'm going to focus my attention and train my thoughts to put that electron where i DO want it.

ever see the movie Sphere?

next let's take a systemic look at how our thoughts impact our reality. when i think about what i don't like, what i don't want, what is not working, and what i'm bummed out about, my whole chest feels like it's going to cave in. i feel discouraged, depressed, down and out. this is *not* a productive or creative state of mind. ever try to come up with a resourceful solution when you're angry? it's hard! likewise, while my chest is caved in and my emotions are dragging across the floor i am NOT very resourceful to create the experience i want. i can't even be a positive contributor when i'm in that state.

so when i realize that my thoughts impact my state which impacts my capacity to be resourceful, i take responsibility for my every thought and every speech act. i limit my thoughts to what i DO want and what i WOULD like and what WOULD work for me.

ever heard of the Buddhist concept of "right speech"?

ever heard of the book "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought"?

incidentally, people around me who want to contribute to me feel way better when i say what i DO want and what i WOULD like and what WOULD work for me - because then they have clarity about how to contribute to me. and they do. but when we habitually focus our thoughts on the opposite, we are not as strong in asking for what we DO want. and if we don't ask for what we want, how can others effortlessly know how to contribute to us? which isn't a small incident at all, in fact.

so again - thoughts are things. if i think "man i don't want to go hungry", and i'm in a contracted state of self-protection and fear, i'll be far less resourceful to take care of what i DO want, and people around me who feel uncomfortable with my self-protectiveness will be less inclined to contribute. on the other hand if i say "woo baby i'd really love a super-delicious hot and juicy meal tonight," now i'm a first step toward getting one - i can ask for it. now suddenly people around me are magnetized by my vision and gravitate to helping make it happen and enjoying it themselves. thoughts become things.

Finally here's that Goethe quote and a question:

"Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth...the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now." http://www.goethesociety.org/pages/quotescom.html

If providence moves all sorts of things to meet you based on what you think -- then what are you committing your thoughts to?

If the ability to commit to a decision springs out of your habits of thought, what habits do you permit in the way you think? What do you choose to focus on?

Hope this helps!!!

thoughts?

love,
g