What's an Observation?

To observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.
- Jiddu Krishnamurti

When we think and communicate based on pure observation, needs and requests, we increase the likelihood for movement, connection and fulfillment.

For the sake of increasing fulfillment, I invite you to replace the use of "observation" as it is colloquially used (to mean "to state an opinion or conclusion") with a sense of speaking about the world in observations that are without conclusion, assessment, opinion, or judgement.

Observation is:
- the act of making and recording a measurement. Ex: "Three times this week". Therefore "always", "never", and "sometimes" are not observations, but assessments. "You never XYZ," is not an observation. "Twice last week you didn't XYZ...," may be an observation.

Observation is:
- recognizing and noting some fact or occurrence. Ex: "The door closed." Therefore, interpretation is not the same as observation, "you slammed the door" is an interpretation. "I have not heard you tell me back what I'm saying" is an observation. "You're not listening," is an interpretation.

Observation is:
- recognizing and noting some fact or occurrence. Ex: "I asked twice and twice he said 'no'," is an observation. "He is stubborn," is a label, an assessment, an opinion, a judgment.

Observation is:
- recognizing and noting some fact or occurrence. Ex: "I have met 2 people who earned more than I earn who I did not like," is an observation. "Rich people are mean, they think they're entitled," are generalizations, categorizations (ie: assessments, not observations).

Observation is:
- recognizing and noting some fact or occurrence, without making meaning. Ex: "1000 suicide bombers died last year," is an observation. "The world is being overrun by suicide bombers," is an extrapolation of you making meaning, your opinion / conclusion that doesn't represent a fact.

Observation is:
- free of judgment, opinion, analysis, assessment, generalization, or interpretation. Ex: "I observe that 3 days last week you told me you were busy," is an observation. "I observe that she's pathological," is not an observation, it's an assessment, an analysis, regardless of the fact that the word 'observe' is being used. "She is wearing a red hat," is an observation. "She's dressed strangely," is an opinion.

Think of it this way - if someone can argue with you on your statement or debate the validity of it, or if it could not be recorded on a video or on tape, then it's likely not an observation.

How are your powers of observation?

FACT OR THOUGHT?
For each of these sentences would you assess it as an observation or as an opinion? If you think the sentence is an opinion, how might it be changed to qualify as an observation?

- The world is falling apart.
- I'm having a bizarre day.
- You're just PMSing.
- He's difficult.
- He hung up on me 3 times! He's a jerk!
- You're a terrific dancer.
- You're the best dancer I've ever danced with.
- I love how you waltz.
- I notice I'm obsessing.
- I notice I'm spending more than 2 hours a day thinking about it.
- I observed that he was too impatient to talk to me.
- She said it in a threatening tone of voice. Everyone would agree!

An Opening for Values-Based Awareness

"Chaung Tzu insisted that judgments like right and wrong, good and evil, fair and unfair were just mental habits, ideas that had gained currency through repeated used rather than through inherent truth."

J. Geary, Geary's Guide to the World's Great Aphorists, p. 227

Let's try on the coat for a moment and imagine this to be true. If "good/bad", "right/wrong", "fair/unfair" are simply cultural habits - what's the alternative?

On what basis do we assert "good/bad", "right/wrong", "fair/unfair"? What barometer do we use to measure this?

If we had a more powerful, more life-serving way of expressing, what would it be?

Sending playful smiles,
Gail

What Type Are You?

Have you ever met someone who was just far easier to talk to after 11am than he/she was at 7am? Oh yeah, that'd be me - I'm a night-person. You bright-eyed bunny-hopping morning people make me crazy; how do you do it?? I simply can't cope with the sensory overload until after my system has had a chance to wake up slowly on its own. But give me a party that starts at 9pm or a social phone call that starts at 11:30pm and I'm good to go.

So, Gail is a night-owl. So what?

Not only am I a night-owl, but I'm an auditory, descendant, yin-in-relationship yang-at-work, sameness-processing, 2nd-tier (I think, generally), planning-oriented, INFJ, yellow-red, 6, American white girl. No, I didn't just drift into speaking spy-code, I just expressed my inclinations and my social education in terms of type.

So what?

The great thing about identifying your type across many subjects is that it gives you power - the power to choose circumstances that are a greater fit for you, the power to function more effectively as your Best Self, and the power (if you wish it) to cultivate the other type dynamic's skills. (thank you Frank Herzog for our pretty image of power in the form of a brunette)

However, let's be careful not to imagine we can pigeon-hole the complexity of humanity into a few letters and key words. We're dynamic; we change, we grow, we adapt to suit our circumstances; in infinite ways, we find ways to be unique. We're not simplistic two-dimensional robots who are always simple to categorize.

Meanwhile, I also propose that in the midst of our dynamism, we also tend toward preferred ways of being, in the same way some of us are right-handed and some left-handed. Even ambidextrous folks typically sign their name and eat with one hand or the other, and put their pants on one leg at a time.

In TIA - The Integrated Approach, we are invited to continually cultivate "both/and", rather than living from "either/or".

In this case, "both/and" means cultivating skills across multiple types, across multiple traditions, complementing the skills that we already hold and prefer and are adept with. We each naturally tend toward a particular type, as though we were dealt a hand of cards by the universe in our family, our genetics, our preferences, and our natural abilities. However, how many card games could we win if we always held a full deck of cards rather than the limited hand of cards we are dealt? Ha! With the entire deck we could win any card game we wish to play. Four aces, anyone? Anyone?

If you had your choice, would you walk around with one arm atrophied and limp with the other arm super-powerful? Or would you choose to cultivate and use both arms, even while one arm is stronger?

Likewise, in TIA we know that we have exponentially more power (the capacity to mobilize resources to fulfill the needs of ourselves, our families, our communities, and the world at large) when we are capable of choosing between two sets of skills rather than being hijacked and limited only having one set of skills. The pillar / module of TIA that invites us to this discovery and evolution is called, "Fully Expressed Energies" .

Also, by identifying our type tendencies we can identify our blindnesses, our biases, our unconscious expectations of what's "good, true, and beautiful". We unconsciously develop social biases by race, by country of origin or immersion, by gender, by religion, by political affiliation, by age... And when we remain passively isolated in this particular education or type-inclination, we inadvertently arm ourselves with a weaker, skewed, less complete perspective. It's natural to be inclined toward a particular niche, strength, or bias; there aren't enough hours in the day to enjoy an "occu-passion" and to cultivate omniscient mastery in all traditions' types. However, we can choose - as a form of play - to actively broaden our horizons from time to time by deliberately exposing ourselves to unfamiliar types, cultures, countries, and ways of being. I'm sure you've experienced the expansive fulfillment and value of getting out of your comfort zone at some point in time, haven't you?

Learning about type also is sane-making, in that it shows us "they're not crazy, they're just not us," and "I'm not crazy, I'm just not you." In exposing ourselves to a variety of type trainings we not only cultivate strength, choice, and power, we also cultivate compassion, tolerance, and acceptance of diversity.

From "Fully Embodied Energies", below you'll find a list of types from across many traditions. In each tradition, identify your niche preference / tendency. In each tradition, where do you tend to most often gravitate in your skills?

How much more powerful would you be if you cultivated *all* of the following type-skills? *

Here's to options and possibilities,
Gail


Are you dominantly - a night-owl or a morning person?
Are you dominantly - auditory, visual or kinesthetic? *
Are you dominantly - ascendant or descendant? *
Are you dominantly - yin or yang? *
Are you dominantly - sameness-processing or difference processing? *
Are you dominantly - left-brained or right-brained? *
In business / at work are you dominantly - a planner, manager, or a doer? *
In wealth are you dominantly an employee, self-employed, a business-owner or an investor? *
In communication, are you most often informing or directing?
Are you dominantly - (Spiral Dynamics center of gravity) 1st or 2nd tier? *
Are you dominantly - (Spiral Dynamics center of gravity across lines of development) red, blue, orange, green, yellow, etc.? *
Which Myers-Briggs type do you most identify with (E/I, N/S, T/F, J/P)? *
Which Personalysis type do you most identify with (red, green, yellow, blue)? *
Which Enniagram type do you most identify with (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 + a wing) *
Which world culture do you most identify with?
Which race, gender, political affiliation, religious training do you most identify with?
How old are you?
If you're a woman, which energy do you most often embody: queen, amazon, seductress, comedienne, nun, nurturing mother, whore, superheroine, bimbo, little girl.
If you're a man, which energy do you most often embody: king, warrior, lover, comedian, monk, nurturing father, gigolo/player, superhero, idiot, little boy.


* To learn more about types, or to cultivate your power and skill across types, enroll in a 12-session coaching cycle by calling 1.877.535.5438. I'll even throw in an additional first-hour for you for free, so we can discuss your goals and hopes for the study/practice and cater the program to suit your needs and intended outcomes. It's a toll-free call, so ring me today!

Decisions Decisions Decisions

“High achievers spot rich opportunities swiftly, make big decisions quickly and move into action immediately. Follow these principles and you can make your dreams come true.”

- Robert H. Schuller


I love this quote; to me it translates to "successful people make decisions quickly". Let's not make the mistake though of confusing wide-reaching, systemic decisions with low-risk, low-impact decisions that affect only a small circle in the system.

When I'm making general, day-to-day, low-impact decisions, I try to remember that I want to thrive, and life is short. So my practice is to notice when I'm hedging or dragging my feet, and just pick a choice. Just pick one. I realize I can always correct the handlebars on the bike if I find I'm going too far out of the way of my intended direction. But if I sit on the bike mulling over which direction to set the handle bars, I'm never getting anywhere.

More systemic-impacting decisions I'll take more time to do due diligence, but still, the idea is to inform myself to the best of my abilities in a reasonable amount of time and then choose, knowing I may always adjust the direction later if new information comes in.

A multi-millionaire I once worked with said, "Successful people make decisions quickly and change their minds slowly. Unsuccessful people take forever to make up their minds and then change their mind continually."

Hrm...should I or shouldn't I take this advice...hrm...let me think...

*wink*

How might I / you / we apply this to a more powerful, effective, thriving life for us, our families, our work places, and our planet?

Cheers to living alive!
Warmly,
Gail

Affirmations 1 - Elements of an Affirmation

So you are curious about affirmations, huh?

We use affirmations to create a mental state that's conducive to generating the results we would like to experience, but affirmations can be far more effective than just "motivation" or "feel good techniques" or "blahblah yeah yeah this is what I want." I'm sure you've seen the images of someone staring at themselves in a mirror saying "I like myself." That doesn't hold a candle to what affirmations can really do for you.

Affirmations, otherwise known as declarations, can be a powerful starting point for:

- you to have more of the fulfillment you want
- your loved ones to experience more of the thriving they want
- your colleagues to enjoy more rewarding, more productive careers
- your community to experience more of the environment they want
- our world to experience more of the kind of world we want.

Affirmations that are the most successful aren't just "affirmations". What do I mean by that? I mean, affirmations that are the most powerful are ones that integrate not just the mind and your thoughts, but ones that integrate all six aspects of who you are (mind, body, spirit, heart, gut and action). You can see more about what I mean in my blog post, "When Affirmations Aren't Enough".

Meanwhile, if you're new to affirmations, it helps to know a bit about the "what" and the "how" of them.

What are the elements of a powerful affirmation? How do people use affirmations?

Welcome to Affirmation Basics.

Affirmation Basics - The Elements of an Affirmation

What is an affirmation? Let's talk about the elements of constructing a declaration or affirmation that is most likely to work.

When you want to create an affirmation, you want to be sure you start out with these three basic tips:

1. Keep it in the Present
2. Declare what you do want, rather than what you don't
3. Give yourself room to "fake it till you make it."

What do these three basics mean?

Keep it in the Present

When working with clients who are making a declaration or an affirmation, I sometimes hear future-oriented statements like "I want to" statements (statements like "I want to make more money" or "I want to do work I love" or "I want to have a better relationship"). Sometimes I hear the "I will" statements (statements like "I will make more money next year" or "I will be living in a wonderful house" or "Our family will be kinder to each other.")

Although these future-oriented statements are a step toward what you want, by practicing a repetition that what is in the future, you inadvertently keep your goal always in the future.

To strengthen the power of your affirmation or declaration, keep it in the present.

For example you can keep your affirmations in the present when you replace, "I want to" or "I will ... " with a verb in the present tense: "I am / I have / We enjoy / We do ..."

We relish the love in our relationship.
I love living in my spacious, clean, comfortable home.
Our family shares loving time together.
Everyone in the office raves about how fun it is to work here.
I make more money now than ever before.
Our community eats more and more healthily every week.

Declare what you DO Want

Next, instead of affirming / declaring what you don't want, be sure to affirm / declare what you do want.

Ex: replace "I no longer date obnoxious men," with, "I date chivalrous, generous men who adore me."

Ex: replace "My work isn't boring anymore," with "I do what I love for work."

By focusing on what you do want, you improve your ability to ask for it and to make decisions that are more likely to generate what you do want.


Give Yourself Room to "Fake it Till You Make It."

Often when a new client begins doing affirmations, I'll hear comments like, "But that's not real, I'm just lying to myself." It's true that in the beginning you'll feel the gap between what you want and what you currently experience. We call this training, not lying.

Remember that the goal of affirmations is to give yourself a conscious mantra, a cue, a story, which will impact your subconscious and help you get where you want to be.

How is this different than lying to yourself?

When we lie, we typically are doing it in secret (we don't tell the other person we're lying) and we often do it for some sort of non-benevolent purpose (to get away with something, or to hide something, or to avoid difficulty rather than facing the music).

When we "Fake it till you make it", we're deliberately choosing a habit that supports training the subconscious. This deliberate act isn't lying so long as it's done in a transparent way (you know you're doing it, so both the trainer and trainee are aware of what's going on), and the intent is purely benevolent (your intent is for life increase).

When and how do we use affirmations?

Read on to my next blog post!

Warmly,
Gail

public domain images courtesy of stock.xchng

Recommended Treat - The Joy Diet

In hopes of inspiring even more opening, fulfillment, and joy,Love,
Gail

The Joy Diet - Martha Beck

Note From the Publisher

Welcome to The Joy Diet, a menu of ten behaviors you can add to your way of living and thinking to enhance every day’s journey through the unpredictable terrain of your existence. You can add these behaviors gradually and watch your life become steadily more vivid and satisfying. Or you can go on a “crash Joy Diet” to help you navigate life’s emergencies.

The ten menu items are:

• Nothing: Do nothing for fifteen minutes a day. Stop mindlessly chasing goals and figure out which goals are worth going after.

• Truth: Create a moment of truth to help you unmask what you’re hiding—from others and from yourself.

• Desire: Identify, articulate, and explore at least one of your heart’s desires—and learn how to let yourself want what you want.

• Creativity: Learn six new ways to develop at least one new idea to help you obtain your heart’s desire.

• Risk: Take one baby step toward reaching your goal. The only rule is it has to scare the pants off you.

• Treats: Give yourself a treat for every risk you take and two treats just because you’re you. No exceptions. No excuses.

• Play: Take a moment to remember your real life’s work and differentiate it from the games you play to achieve it. Then play wholeheartedly.

• Laughter: Laugh at least thirty times a day. Props encouraged.

• Connection: Use your Joy Diet skills to interact with someone who matters to you.

• Feasting: Enjoy at least three square feasts a day, with or without food.

No matter what your long-term goals are, The Joy Diet, written with Martha Beck’s inimitable blend of wisdom, practical guidance, and humor, will help you achieve the immediate gift of joyful living in the here and now. Begin your journey today.

Schuller Quote

“What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”
- Robert H. Schuller

I have this as a mantra on my calendar. How might you include this question each day toward opening more of your life?

3 Steps to Finding Fulfillment

Wallowing: the act of focusing on what we don't like, don't want, don't have, and/or what isn't working, at the expense of taking the next step. What is the next step? Articulating what Is It We Do Want, Would Like, Wish To Have?

• Last week I had a call with a client who said, "I just realized I've spent so much time focusing on what I don't like about my life that I've put no energy into trying to understand what I want."

• A woman in Nevada so consistently focuses on what she does NOT know that she never takes the step to ask others if they know, so that she can know.
  
  
• A man in Colorado finds his life so terribly unfulfilling that he's crushed under the weight of his loneliness and misery, but he doesn't cultivate the skill of asking for what *would* bring him fulfillment.

When I watch these clients and so many of you living the same habits, these moments break my heart, because I so so want for your opening, your thriving, your joy, and your exquisite-cup-overflowing-fulfillment.

Would you consider taking on these 3 steps toward finding relief for yourself?

3 Steps To Finding Fulfillment:

1. Track your list of what isn't working, what you don't like, what you don't want, etc. This first step is vital, as a first step. But when we stop there, we merely cultivate our own misery, disempower ourselves, and piss in the ears of people around us, perpetuating more misery. Writing them down gives us a place to move from.

2. Next, for each line in your list of #1, ask yourself - what is the YEARNING behind that voice. If the line for #1 says, "My life sucks." (what I don't want) - write in column 2, "I want more XYZ". If your line for #1 says, "My boss is a jerk." (what I don't like) - write in column 2, "I'd like to be treated with more respect." What does that voice in #1 yearn for? What do you need that the voice in #1 is dearly (and tragically, in its style) trying to ask for? What does the voice in #1 want more of?

3. Make a doable request to *get* the thing you wrote about in #2. Write down a request you can make of yourself, or that you can make of someone else. If in column 2 you wrote, "I want to be treated with more respect," ask yourself to stop your boss the next time you want it and say, "Listen, would you be willing to speak to me at a lower volume?" Write it down.

What? You can't think of a request for #3? Try this: I request myself to ask 3 people what they would do if they were in my shoes and wanted what I want in column #2.

Now what? Do you have to actually MAKE this request? Oh, you may do it, you may not. However, learning to translate your wallowing into an actionable request about what you DO want will take you miles further toward finding fulfillment. While you wallow, you are 100% guaranteed to NOT get what you want. While you translate wallowing into what you want, and try to get better and better at making requests to fulfill what you want, you have at least a 50-50 shot! Maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't. But at least you'll have a chance.

If you'd like more information about "Powerful Requests", or if you'd like support to make the 3 steps work for you, or if you'd like help to come up with doable requests that will actually help you meet your needs, call for a coaching session: toll-free 1.877.535.5438.


Visuals by www.PDImages.com

It's All For You

To see reality transform and to see your power bloom, revisit and create the truth that everything you experience is in your favor.

A woodpecker woke me at 6am, hammering away at my chimney. I am SO not a morning person. So, no surprise, I was *not* a happy girl. Twenty minutes after burning paper in my fireplace in hopes of smoking the feathered brat ...erm...friend....out of my morning space, I was still awake, my mind full of chatter and things to do. I finally gave in, got back out of bed, and scratched a nuggets from the chatter into my journal.

Habitually a morning like this would have lead me to a routine of answering, "How was your day today?" with, "Oh a woodpecker woke me up early so I lost 3 hours of sleep this morning." Not pretty.

Then I remembered a friend who has a curious outlook on life. He's from the D/s community and says, "A true Dominant knows that everything is in his favor."

The thought crossed my mind...so I tried on the coat.

Yes, the woodpecker woke me....but what's also true is that during the hours I normally would have been sleeping, I learned about blogging, I learned how to do streaming audio on my website, I fetched groceries for the month, and wrote 3 new entries for one of my new books. Pretty good morning!

So now my new framing for the morning is, "Oh clearly the Muse wanted me up this morning - I've had a wonderfully productive day - totally unexpected."

Thank you, Michael, for helping me turn losses into gains! How much richer my life is now, and all the while nothing outside me has changed.

3-Minute Invitation: try an experiment - think about a "loss" you've recently suffered and then spend 3 minutes with the question, "How is this actually in my favor?"

Funny what I discovered. How about you?

I'd love to hear what you wind up with!

Curiouser and Curiouser,
Gail

Invitation: Start with the belief that, "Everything happens for the best," and "Everything happens for a reason." Looking at a circumstance that apparently failed you, or that was apparently a loss, or that you don't like. Where is it true that this was ultimately "for the best", "happened for a good reason", and/or was "in your favor"?